After years of dedication, late-night study sessions, a large accumulation of debt, and the other joys that college brings, you are finally going to graduate and obtain a diploma. The diploma may seem like a single piece of paper that you are to just hang up in a frame on your wall, but that is not all that you can do with it. You’ve spent a lot of money and time to obtain it, so you need to get as much use out of it as you can.
1. Take it out on the town
You’ve basically spent thousands and thousands of dollars on it, so you might as well show it off to the world! Take it out to a nice restaurant and go wine and dine with it. Make sure you wear your fanciest attire and that your diploma is in that nice frame you got from the store for $10. Let it order anything off the menu and let the good times roll!
2. Talk to others about your diploma
No, I don’t mean talk about your degree, but just talk about the fact that you have a college diploma. Talk about the sleek style of font, and that it is a physical representation of your accomplishment that you need to share with everyone and anyone that passes your path. Make a game out of it! See how many times you can slip it in normal conversation before the person just stops talking to you and walks away. It is fun for everyone, and you will be sure to get a laugh out of it.
3. Make it your therapist
Everyone has their issues but let’s be honest, therapists are expensive. Especially when you have yet to find a job that will either let you have insurance or pay you enough to go see one. Your diploma will be the perfect therapist, just without the psychology degree. It will sit quietly as you pour your heart out about the many problems in your life. There will be no worry of judgment, either. Sure, it won’t be able to provide you with any worthwhile advice or guidance, but how often do you take the advice you are given anyways?
4. Befriend it
Remember your friends that you haven’t talked to in years because you were buried under papers and textbooks? Well, you don’t need them or any type of human interaction. You already have the perfect friend: your diploma. It won’t ever interrupt you or talk over you. You never have to worry about having to listen to stories about their awful significant other or their conspiracy theories about the lizard people. You won’t run the risk of having an argument about opposing political views.
5. Make it your pet
You may be thinking that if you wanted a pet, you would get a real one. That may be true but having a diploma as a pet is by tenfold superior to Fido or Mr. Whiskers. You never have to feed or water it. It will never chew up your favorite shoes and pee on your blankets. It won’t hog your bed or couch. You can also dress it up in cute costumes! There will be no loud barking or meowing in the middle of the night, and you will wake up every morning smiling as it stares at you silently from its place on the wall. It will stare deeply into your soul as it serves as a reminder that [they who should not be named] will be coming to your door in 6 months. Doesn’t that make it the perfect pet?